CrossFurr Indoor Fitness is delighted to publish its winter class schedule. Members have asked for more variety, and we listened, mostly from the end of the sofa.
Monday: Sitting Fundamentals
A gentle introduction to the art of staying still. Participants learn to sit upright, sit slumped, and sit with one hind leg extended in the air. No experience is needed, though we expect everyone to have some.
Tuesday: Vertical Sitting
An advanced class held on top of the wardrobe. Members must climb, assess the view, and sit in a way that suggests ownership. Insurance is not provided.
Wednesday: Loaf Intensive
Tuck the paws. Tuck the tail. Become a loaf. We offer three levels: Sourdough, Rye, and Brioche, with Brioche being the most challenging because it requires a slight glow.
Thursday: Window Sitting
Members line up along the sill and observe the outdoors in silence. Occasionally a bird passes, and the group emits a synchronised chirp. This is called Collective Chattering and is great for the jaw.
Friday: Box Sitting
Bring your own box, or borrow ours. A cat will fit into a box that is clearly too small, and this class teaches the technique. Warning: exit strategies are not covered.
- Saturday: Free Sitting, no instructor
- Sunday: Sitting in the Sun, weather permitting
- Public Holidays: Sitting With the Family, uncomfortably
Booking
Places are limited. To reserve, sit on the booking form at reception. Our staff will interpret this as a request and respond within three to five business hours.
Notes
Please arrive ten minutes early to stare at the instructor. Bring a towel, though you will not use it, and a water bottle, which you will knock over.
A Note on Equipment
All sitting classes take place on mats provided by the gym, although most members choose to sit beside the mat and look at it. This is permitted. A mat is considered successfully used if it has been looked at, sniffed, or slept near by anyone present during the session.
The instructors remind everyone that no class includes jumping, running, or purposeful exercise of any kind, so please keep your expectations low and your tail neatly tucked.
All classes are parody. No cats were pushed beyond their comfortable level of sitting.