Dr. Kibble is the head of Nutrition and Recovery at CrossFurr. Dr. Kibble does not hold a medical degree, but does hold a coat, which has proved sufficient. Here are some of the questions members sent in.
Q: Should I eat before a workout?
A: Yes. Also during, and also after. The research on this, which Dr. Kibble conducted by eating, is conclusive. The ideal pre workout meal is a small portion of something warm, served at a slight angle.
Q: What about protein?
A: We are in favour of it. Protein builds muscle, restores energy, and smells wonderful. Our protein shake, a tuna flavoured blend, was withdrawn after members complained about regret. A new version is under review.
Q: Is it true that I should graze all day?
A: Grazing is acceptable, provided the grazing takes place at three set times that you demand loudly. This is called structured grazing and has been endorsed by this department.
Q: Can I replace dinner with a leaf?
A: No. But you may add a leaf. A leaf provides texture, a sense of rebellion, and a small mess on the carpet.
A Sample Meal Plan
- 6 AM: breakfast, demanded
- 10 AM: second breakfast, also demanded
- 1 PM: a small snack, found on the counter
- 5 PM: dinner, announced
- 9 PM: dessert, claimed through staring
- 3 AM: emergency snack, no questions
Final Thoughts
Eat with intent. Chew with attitude. When the bowl is empty, look at the human, then at the bowl, then at the human. Repeat until the situation corrects itself.
A Word on Treats
Treats are not a food group at CrossFurr, but we have reluctantly accepted that they are a motivational tool. Dr. Kibble recommends no more than a handful per day, and we recommend asking for double that, to create room for negotiation.
Please stay clear of the cupboard marked Emergency Reserve. Staff are watching, and one of them is Gary.
This column is fictional. Dr. Kibble is a cat, the coat is a tea towel, and nothing here is real nutrition advice.