CrossFurr Indoor Fitness today announced the Scratching Post Mark II, a vertical training apparatus that members have described as exactly like the old one, but taller.
What Is New
- A taller post, increasing standing reach by 14 percent
- A new sisal wrap, which we call Sisal Pro
- A platform at the top, for dignified glaring
- A second post beside the first, for comparison
A Message From Coach Tuna
“We looked at the old post for a long time,” said Coach Tuna McBicep. “Then we looked at the members, who were looking at the old post. We realised there was only one thing we could do. We added more post.”
The Mark II took eleven months to design and approximately four minutes to be claimed by the senior member, a ginger cat named Gary, who has not left the platform since Tuesday.
Features for Serious Athletes
The post offers a full body scratch, a stretch from toes to claws, and an opportunity to leave visible marks that members can point to later. The new sisal is designed to shred in just the right way, producing satisfying strips that fall on the carpet.
A leaderboard now tracks the number of scratches per session, with a prize for the member who scratches the longest without looking at the camera.
Availability
The Scratching Post Mark II is available to all members at no extra charge, and to non members at the standard price of one treat. Waiting lists are in effect, and the line forms at the base.
About CrossFurr
CrossFurr Indoor Fitness offers strength, agility, and one very serious scratching post. We are not affiliated with any real gym, and all Furr levels are measured in headbutts.
Reaction From Members
Early feedback has been warm. One member wrote that the new post was “almost exactly the same, which I appreciate.” Another climbed to the platform, sat down, and did not respond to follow up questions. A third has requested a post of their own, in a different colour, which we are calling the Mark III.
Management would like to remind members that the platform has a weight limit and a dignity limit, and both are being tested.
This announcement is fictional satire.