Before the day begins, a good cat stretches. The Morning Reach is the foundation of every training programme at CrossFurr, and it can be learned by anyone with a spine.
Step One: The Front Extension
Lower your chest toward the floor and extend both front paws as far forward as they will go. Hold for five to eight seconds. Feel the pull along your shoulders. If you hear a small sound, it is likely just joy.
Step Two: The Rear Raise
Keeping the front low, lift your hindquarters into the air. Arch gently. This is the classic downward cat pose, which is the only yoga position with a tail.
Step Three: The Full Body Reach
Roll onto your side and extend every limb to its maximum length. Point your toes. Splay your claws if you feel confident. For best results, do this directly in front of a doorway so that others must step over you.
Common Errors
- Stretching on a hard surface when a rug is available
- Stretching in a hurry
- Stretching without an audience
- Failing to follow the stretch with a nap
When to Stretch
After waking, after eating, after sitting, and after any form of excitement. In total, a cat should stretch approximately forty times per day. Coach Tuna stretches fifty, but she is an overachiever.
The Benefits
Regular stretching improves flexibility, relieves tension, and impresses nearby dogs. Studies at CrossFurr suggest that cats who stretch regularly also experience a stronger sense of self importance.
The Reward
After every stretch, a small yawn is both permitted and encouraged. Some members add a full body shake. This is known as the Dismount.
Pairing Stretches With Naps
The most effective stretching routines end in a nap. Our coaches suggest finishing each stretch with a slow collapse onto the nearest warm surface. A sunny floor is ideal. A human foot is acceptable. A pile of laundry is excellent, though it may cause complaints.
Remember that rest is part of training. Rest is, in fact, most of training.
This guide is satire and not real exercise advice.